1. When it starts to get bad again in mid October, tell mom and get your medication adjusted; don’t go back to the boys that slide up your dress and promise that their love will make you whole again.
2. No matter how many fucking cuts you create on your thighs, the colour you bleed out will never match his lovely new girlfriend’s shade of red lipstick. Throw the blades away and let the scars be a reminder to never go back to that place in the pit of your mind.
3. When you wake up tangled in those cheap, off white, cotton sheets, sit up and eat the muffin they served you for breakfast on the tray beside your bed. Apologize to your mom for almost forcing her to burry her baby, and then tell the doctor you’ll never swallow a bottle of sleeping pills again; mean it when you say it.
4. In late April when the cute brunette boy leads you up the stairs, passes you a bottle of Jack Daniels and bets you can’t drink it all. Turn down the challenge and go home. He wants you drunk for a purpose and 3 months later it’s going to be the reason you are crying and shaking in therapy.
5. When your tummy feels as if it’s swollen and your eyes can barely stay open, don’t go to the scale to check your weight, go to the fridge and eat that yogurt cup that you want so bad. You are practically skin stretched over bone and denying yourself a small snack when you haven’t eaten in a week is horrible. You are beautiful love. Calories aren’t going to change that.
5 things that I wish I could tell myself from exactly a year ago today (H.S)